Funny Quote by John Peers.

"Never stand between a dog and the hydrant."

Funny quote by Lyndon B. Johnson

"Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it."

Funny quote by Homer J. Simpson.

"You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try."

Funny quotes by Bill Cosbey.

"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home."

Funny quotes by Anonymous.

"Always drink upstream from the herd."

Funny quotes by Sir Norman Wisdom.

"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two..."

Funny quote by Homer J Simpson.

"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"

Funny quote by Steven Wright.

"Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it."

Funny quote by Homer J Simpson.

"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day."

Funny quotes by Bill Cosby.

"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry."

Funny quote by Anonymous.

"An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be"

Funny quotes by Oprah Winfrey.

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together."

Funny quotes by Groucho Marx

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

Funny quotes by Rodney Dangerfield.

"I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."

Funny quotes by Oscar Wilde.

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."

Funny quotes by Rodney Dangerfield.

"My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday."

Funny quotes by Albert Einstein.

"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."

Funny quotes, Dan Rather.

"Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic."

Funny quotes, Unknown.

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car"

Funny Quote by, Rita Rudner.

"Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!"

Funny Quote by, Richard M. Nixon.

"It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to beat somebody."

Funny Quote by Bob Hope

"I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type."

Funny Quote by Mel Brooks

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die."

Funny Quote by American adage about antagonizing newspaper editors

"Never pick a fight with anyone who buys ink by the barrel."

Funny Quote by Franklin P. Jones

"The trouble with being punctual is that nobodys there to appreciate it."