Funny Quotes: December 2009

Saturday, December 5, 2009

"Never stand between a dog and the hydrant."

"Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it."

"You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try."

"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home."

"Always drink upstream from the herd."

"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two..."

"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"

"Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it."

"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day."